Liz Jones is a female journalist in her 50's. She writes for the Daily Mail. She has had the twitterati in a tizz (so many puns, so little time...) for some time, by claiming to have a rock star boyfriend and refusing to identify him.
According to Liz, he is in his late 40's, early 50's and he is Glaswegian. He has 'piggy blue eyes' and wore leggings and filled stadia. The general consensus is that the person Liz was describing is Jim Kerr. A brilliant musician who was the lead singer in a group called Simple Minds in the 80's. It is well known that Liz had a huge crush on him in her youth, and she wrote about that.
There have been many online discussions and obsessive quests to uncover the mystery identity of the 80's rock star that Liz Jones claims to be dating. However the overwhelming opinion of late is that he does not exist, that he is fictitious. I'm afraid I do believe that myself. That the RS is fictional. However I believe that Liz was describing her fantasy, but that she has described and identified the lovely and talented Mr Jim Kerr as her secret rock star boyfriend and then when internet armchair sleuths identified Mr Kerr from her writing, she was forced to either say yes or no.
She said No. It isn't Jim Kerr. But I think it is. At least in her own mind. Nothing to do with the actual Mr Kerr, who I believe is happily settled down with a long term girlfriend, a Japanese lady called Yumi.
At this point I actually feel like apologising to Jim and Yumi for even mentioning them. I mean this is nothing to do with them.
So Liz Jones intimates that she is having a relationship with a rock star from the 80's. She describes him in enough detail for most people to work out that it is Jim Kerr. She is confronted. She admits that it is not Jim Kerr. She then goes on to write about the RS and add further detail.
In a recent article she quoted from an email that she claims to have received from the RS. Her choice of words was interesting here:
I see your shiny optimism [I thought at
first he’d been about to type ‘face’!], your rigid lines, your extreme
sense of right and wrong, and I think, she doesn’t want this.
Note the context. She thought he was ABOUT to type 'face'. When she typed as him? Because surely this implies that it is happening in real time. If she had written 'I thought he had been about to say 'face' it would have read more naturally but she writes that sentence as though she is just working out herself what he is about to type rather than referring to something that has already been typed. Another clue into the strange and wondrous place that is Liz Jones' mind?
Maybe next time she will decide in advance what he is going to write and then she won't have to speculate as she's actually typing it out. The article itself In Which he bares his heart begins with an email. Supposedly from the RS but somehow written in exactly Liz Jones style of writing. She reproduces it in full (apart from one or two sentences that he apparently asked her to leave out when he gave permission for her to print his email.
I'm no mathematician but something doesn't add up at all here!
Interestingly, Liz says recently, that she has never dated, slept with, or kissed, a white man. So presumably this legging-wearing, stadia-filling, 80's rock star, who is Glaswegian, with 'piggy eyes', (close set eyes, a squint? what does that even mean?) is not white. Because she claims to have slept with him (kept her top on apparently), so how many 80's rock stars are male, not white, filled stadium's, have small or close set eyes, are Glaswegian and own hotels abroad and have adult children who have provided them with grandchildren.
I thought I was quite up to date on these things but I can't think of anyone.
And they've never been photographed together? Well once. I got emailed this by a person who swore me to anonymity. **
** I'm a compulsive liar. I did it myself in Photoshop.